Monday, May 7, 2007

The Bachelor in Sugar Land, TX

Woah. Woah. Woah.

Fancied friends, I am about to admit to you a little secret that Seth and I share. But it must be revealed so I can share this very weird but exciting circumstance with you.

As of this year, Seth and I now watch.....The Bachelor.

I know, I know. I slap myself every time, but it comes on after Dancing with the Stars, and you know I can't possibly miss THAT. So what do I do when, while glued to the couch dialing the number for my favorite dancing star, The Bachelor shows me scenes from last week's episode. I can't just turn it off! No, no, this stuff is too juicy. It's too catty and ridiculous. I'm watching a sorority house gone utterly maniacal. Girls, girls, girls, crying girls, conniving girls, back-stabbing and malicious girls. And one officer and a gentleman: Andy.

Andy's actually pretty alright. A good guy. Of course, when you consider that he's dating 15, then 8, then 4, now 3 girls at a time, you have to wonder how gentleman-like the guy can be. But, hey, really, and I mean this. He seems like a very sincere guy who took a step of faith to find the woman of his dreams.

So in tonight's episode, Andy goes to each of the 4 girls' hometowns to meet their families. Talk about intense. These girls are all in love with Andy! And all crying about how they're in love with Andy. And! I'm crying! Why am I crying!?!? Because these girls are introducing Andy to their dads, and then one is crying to her dad about how she doesn't want to get hurt, and then HER DAD is crying! Geesh. Reality television, how did we get here? Their pain is my entertainment.

Anyway, that's not my point.

The point is, that as I'm sure you know, one of these 4 girls, Amber, is from Sugar Land, TX. So we're watching, and....Hey! That's the restaurant by our apartment! And then, they're on a playground in a park....and then! They're leaving Amber's apartment, and I say. Seth! That's our apartment complex! The Bachelor was at our apartment complex! Oh my gosh! Wait, lemme check the doors and see if they match up. I run outside and look at our door. Exactly the same, except the number, of course.

Amber lives in my apartment complex!

You should know Amber did not get a rose tonight. She went home, devastated and alone. Poor Amber. Maybe I'll see her soon in my park, and we can have lunch, and we can talk about her roommate and her aunt and her love life. Then maybe I'll tell her that I'm sorry her parents weren't there to meet Andy, just because they didn't agree with Amber being on the show. What a shame. Then maybe I'll tell her how sorry I am that her pain was my entertainment. But then maybe I'll remind her that she signed up to be my entertainment, and ask her why she would do that.


Seth Ward said...

You do realize that you are totally blowing my "tough guy" persona that I cling so dearly to. In one fell swoop everyone knows that the man of the house watches Dancing with the Stars and THE BACHELOR. Now NOBODY is going to believe that I can beat them up.

Ah well. The things a man will do for Love.

BTW, We ran out of Hagen Daaz Chocolate this episode. That cannot happen again. I shall remedy that.

(In all fariness, it was I that convinced Amber to watch the first Bachelor episode.)

SandinaJ said...

How funny!

I think I watched one season of The Bachelor and got so irritated that he was kissing all the girls. I couldn't bring myself to watch any more after that.

Okay, so now that you know that Amber lives in your apartment complex, your job is to go door to door one night and knock your way into Amber's life.

truevyne said...

There was something like this story on "This American Life" last year which caused me a great de ja vu reading your post!

euphrony said...

Maybe now Amber can go back to her teaching job that got her boss fired for letting her tack time off for the show.

Mz Jackson said...

Seth, what tough guy persona? Of course, I say that, I who helped diaper your behind when you were little. So I guess that's totally not fair, huh?
I haven't watched this season's Bachelor, Amber, but the only thing that has bothered me in the past was when the final three had an overnight stay with the Bachelor. What, they're going to sleep together when the contestants aren't sure who is going to get picked? Eek! Are they still doing that?

FancyPants said...

Seth, I'll take the blame for the insult to your manhood. After all, I was the one who convinced you to watch Dancing with the Stars, so....

Euphrony, I saw that on local news last night. I believe they reinstated her principal, right? Supposedly, Amber didn't tell her boss why she was taking the time off. (three weeks) So the Fort Bend Admin got their feathers all ruffled.

Mz. J, I don't know if they're doing that. I hope not. The Bachelor's down to 3 girls, so we'll see next week, I really hope not. I know they're all going to Hawaii...

Brody Harper said...

I knew Seth was a little "special"... or gay... one of those...I can't decide.

Seth Ward said...


However, a bastard after my own heart.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Yeah, I used to hold Seth up as an example of a manly man.

O how the mighty have fallen.