Thursday, April 30, 2009


I remember, when I was seven years old, being hid in the back bedroom of a house with all the other kids. Those kids' parents were throwing my mother a surprise birthday party. They thought it would be cute to theme the party "Over the Hill."

My mom turned thirty that day. I remember hearing them all yell surprise through the bedroom door.

Two days ago I turned thirty. There were even a few close friends who yelled surprise when I opened the door. Except I don't have a 7 -year-old daughter waiting in the back bedroom. I babysit a 7-year-old.

My earliest experience associated with thirty is also associated with the words "Over the Hill."


I don't feel anywhere close to a hill.

I was a little worried about thirty. Mostly because when my mom was thirty she had two kids who where 7 and 5. That makes me feel like I'm late on a few things. But I already like thirty. It's liberating. Who cares what everyone else thinks when you're thirty. Everyone else can kiss ass. See, I even said ass when I knew a good bit of you wouldn't approve.

I'm embracing the thirties.

I went to a yoga class today and the instructor had this to say: "Don't fixate on the goal. Fixating on the goal leads to negative feelings towards others who reach the goal and negative feelings towards ourselves if we don't meet the goal as fast as we hope. Instead focus on the present, how you feel in each pose and in each movement. No judgment. Wherever you are today is exactly where you should be."

That's kinda what thirty feels like to me. It feels good.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Welcome to the Club

LITTLE WOMEN is officially closed.

And I am officially a member of the Actor's Equity Association.

The Engeman theater gave me my card. It's the actor's way of saying, "They allowed me to pay for my card." And pay for it, I did. Strange how it took literally half an hour. Half an hour to walk into the Equity building, fill out my application, write a check, and walk out with my card. That simple. Amazing what money can do.

I went to my first audition as an Equity member this past Friday. It's almost unfair how easy it is to get past the guy at the desk. He hardly looks at your card. Doesn't check to see if it's really you. Doesn't look to see if your card is fake. Just barely glances at the thing you pull out of your wallet and nonchalantly allows you to pass. I mean, it should be harder than that, right? Considering all those mornings I woke up to sit for hours and hours only to be told to go home. Considering all those times I had to use the bathroom at McDonald's because I wasn't allowed in to use the Equity ones? Considering ALL those times I got up IN THE 5'S!!!!

When you're non-Equity, Equity members try to tell you that there's not much difference between being union and non-union. I think they just forget what it was like to wake up in the 5's.

My LITTLE WOMEN cast, who were all Equity members already, threw me a little surprise "initiation" ceremony in honor of being let into the club. They pretended to hold an Equity meeting and when I walked in to the meeting (it being my first), I was greeted with flowers and a Congrats card. It was incredible, really. I couldn't have hoped to have started this next phase in my acting career with a better cast or show or theater. It was very special.

I have also officially begun my week of the "Show Closing Blues." Bleh.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Nanny Diaries

I took the two-year-old to swimming lessons today. He was a doll. The whole time I sat there with a big grin on my face because he was so cute. His other babysitter (who usually is the one who takes him to swimming) instructed me to, after the lesson, shower the little guy off in the open shower at the corner of the room and shampoo his hair, so we wouldn't have to bathe him later.

The lesson ended. The two-year-old's swim instructor approached me after the lesson.

We'll just call him....Goob.


Have I met you before?


(thinking) Oh brother... (Then out loud) Uh...yeah, I think once, when I brought his older brother to swimming. I usually work evenings so this is pretty new to me.


(as I'm getting two-year-old ready to shower off) So are you from New York City?


(thinking) Here we go... (then out loud) From Texas, actually.


Oh. (As I'm heading with two-year-old to the shower) How long have you been working with this family?


Uh...probably a year and a half, or so.


(While I'm at the shower shampooing the two-year-old's hair) Hey, I was thinking, since I probably won't see you again, I should probably go ahead and ask...


(thinking) NO!!! DON'T ASK! PLEASE! DO. NOT. ASK!


Would you like to have dinner with me?


I'm married.




Yeah...haha...I'm flattered...but no.

Note to self and all other Nut Nannies in New York City: when watching child's swimming lessons, watch nonchalantly and keep outward forms of expression to yourself, unless Goob swimming instructor mistakes smiles and *thumbs up* to be for himself rather than for child.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


It's that time, fancied friends, when I re-enter the blogosphere in hopes that there's somebody still there. That time where I profusely apologize for being absent, though it always strikes me a bit vain that I would apologize to YOU for not having any writing of MINE for you to read.

When I'm doing a show, it's hard for me to write. I don't know why. I guess my creative energies are focused somewhere else, or maybe I'm getting all the recognition I need through applause and "Good show"s. Maybe I don't feel the need to prove myself anymore.

Is blogging really all about self-validation?

Sometimes, maybe.

But not all the time. I like it. I like hearing from you guys and reading about what's going on in your lives. I like writing. I like trying to find the memorable things in my day, the small seemingly inconsequential that holds meaning if we'd just let it. And I like sharing it with you. The big things, too. I like holding myself accountable to my own goals and dreams by archiving them. I like having a way to look back.

So, really, I think the reason for my absence, is...I'm just worn out. WIth my free time I want to talk to my husband and catch up on my shows and sleep in and go to church.

But the show's closing this weekend, and I'm preparing mentally for that. which involves remembering how much I like this here form of communication and expression. I hope you guys are still there. Holler if you are. Anyone out there?