Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Hate Liars

I've spent most of my adult life championing that phrase. I hate liars.

Harsh, huh? I'd like to say I've never actually said those words out loud, but...I'd be lying. Liars make me mad. I hate lies. Please don't lie to me. I take offense. I'm offended that you couldn't trust me with the truth. I'm hurt that you feel you have to hide something from me. When you lie, I build a few more layers of wall. I pride myself in sniffing out the best of lies. I'm really good at it. I can catch a person in a lie and they have NO idea I know they're lying to me. I just know.

But here's the thing: I'm a liar.

I lie ALL the time. When I don't want to go out with friends who invite me, I lie. I immediately think of the stories I can tell to get out of it, instead of just saying, "Hey guys, I'm just not up to going out." Because I'm afraid of hurting their feelings, or I feel guilty. But what's wrong with just not wanting to go out? Absolutely nothing.

I pride myself in being a confrontational person during times of conflict, and yet as I confront my friend or my husband with how they've offended me, I keep what really hurt me from them. What I really want to tell them is too hard to say, because it might hurt their feelings. Because it makes me vulnerable. Because it might make them mad at me. Because I don't like how sharing it makes me feel....weak.

I sometimes approach people with false humility. I unconsciously pretend to be less smart, less talented, less capable, so that I passify their ego, so that they'll like me, so that I can gain something from them. It's a form of a lie to get what I want in a backwards kind of way. It keeps me from being my true self.

Yeah so enough of my dirty laundry. The point is I'm done lying. God has made light what was dark.

We all lie. Don't we? We learn to lie as early as we learn how to talk. We learn to manipulate. We learn how to get what we want. Or rather, we just KNOW how to lie, manipulate, and get what we want. We have to LEARN not to.

So here's to learning not to. Cheers.