Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Things I Learned From My Husband...

How to make the most kickin'A ham and cheese sandwich:

**Of your two pieces of whole wheat bread, spread one with equal amounts of mayo (Miracle Whip in our house) and mustard.

**Sprinkle salt, pepper, and oregano on top of the mayo/mustard combo. (Yes!, she exclaims gleefully. Oregano!)

**Add desired ham. Try brown sugared ham for the best results

**Add swiss cheese. Cheddar or Pepperjack will suffice.

**Add sliced deli pickles. For best results, use Claussen Sandwich Slices. I like good 'ole dill. He likes dill or hearty garlic.

**Close sandwich with other piece of bread.


And Things My Husband Learned From Me

How to replace the above items to the proper place from which they came:

**bread, complete with twisty tie, thus sealing its freshness

**ham, tightly sealed in container and in the drawer of the fridge, not just anywhere in the fridge

**cheese, contained within ziplock baggy, in the drawer with the ham

**salt, to the cabinet

**pepper, beside the salt

**oregano, likewise

**mayo, with lid screwed completely on

**mustard, without excess yellow splurts dripping down the side of the bottle

**pickles, with lid screwed completely on, so as to prevent pickle juice from spilling on hand, fridge, and floor at next sandwich opportunity

**knife, rinsed and placed in sink


Seth Ward said...

You also learned the true meaning of the word "bicep"

MamasBoy said...

Wow, your husband learned all that? Not bad. He's a keeper. He's way ahead of the curve in the "where things go and how they get put back there" department.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Yes, that's pretty close to the ham and cheese sandwiches that I make, too. Boo-hiss on the Miracle Whip though -- it's gotta be real mayo. Or sometimes double-mustard and no mayo.

I'll sometimes warm them up for just a few seconds in the microwave, just to make the cheese a little soft and melty, and the sandwich just a little warm. Or sometimes grill the bread with butter in a frying pan first, or use toast instead of bread.

And yeah, it's generally a good idea to learn how to seal and put things away correctly. My biggest area of struggle with this is not from sandwich-making, it's when I put stuff away from the dishwasher. My wife has particular systems of organization in place, and I'm supposed to figure those out and put things away accordingly. Still trying to work on getting those right.

FancyPants said...

Seth: AGHH HA HA HA! True, very true.

MB: I guess I'll keep him.

C-Ham: I can always tell when Seth unloads the dishwashwer because I'll go looking for my something or other and it's hiding somewhere else. Not complaining!

Not. Complaining.

Seth you are an excellent dishwasher unloader. Please, don't stop.

euphrony said...

You've domesticated him!

FancyPants said...

I think that might apply only after certain articles of clothing make it all the way into the dirty hamper....I don't know...

Discontented Refuge said...

today was a turkey sandwhich (black pepper) no mustard, jalepeno jack, extra pepper, fresh jalepeno, pickles, tomatoe, onion, and lettuce.


on wheat.

I put everything back where it belonged.

FancyPants said...

Your wife is no doubt pleased.

That sandwich is sounding mighty tasty. Minus the onion.



Discontented Refuge said...

Wife? No, that's what I made and ate at work. And it was my day to cleanup so...

T with Honey said...

We're still working on the 'put everything away instead of just leaving it on the counter for the next 3 hours' in our house.

FancyPants said...

T with honey,

Next 3 hours is no exaggeration. It's like things on the counter become invisible to men after they've used them. Same thing with open cabinets and microwave doors...invisible.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Fancy - Whoa there! Your blanket use of the term "men" in that statement seems awfully prejudicial, don't you think? Not all "men" are like this. I'm pretty good about putting stuff away and closing cabinets and stuff.

However, I'll cop to one thing here that does seem to be fairly universal to men: Inability to find objects, including objects in plain sight.

I get yelled at... er, I mean gently rebuked, more over this than anything else. My wife sends me to find some doohickey or other, and I paw through all the drawers and cabinets and simply cannot find it. I swear I look carefully, and repeatedly. Several times. I move things around (that's my wife's favorite thing to say, "try moving things around") but still can't find what I'm looking for. Then I tell my wife "It's just not there." And so she marches straight into the room, opens the very first drawer, and there it is! Like magic, I tell ya!

I can't help but think this is some sort of feminine superpower that men simply do not possess. In fact, there seems to be some sort of force deliberately hindering us on this one.

Discontented Refuge said...

CH: It's not a superpower. Men know what they are looking for, women just fail to describe it perfectly.

For instance, if your wife told you to find a screwdriver, you have 18 pictures of a screwdriver in your mind, you are thinking is it phillips? flathead? squaredrive? long shaft? short shaft? Is the handle blue? red? see, if they would just describe things better we would find things instantly.

FancyPants said...

C ham'n'eggs, (see comments on kddub's "this is random" post)

Ok, ok, you're right. Things on the counter become invisible to 99.9% of men.


Should said women really need to describe....pen....or...scissors?

Seth Ward said...

And what does that mean to me whe you say:

"It's in my purse..."

Oh cool. Because the purse is so easy to find...

Oh how bout this one. As far as describing things perfectly, which I think was perfectly said...

You've got the map, giving directions...

"Okay, take the blue road and turn... UP."

FancyPants said...

And how bout this one:


You're making things up, which makes me the winner.