Friday, April 20, 2007


Oh. my. GOSH.

I JUST blogged about this on Monday, gleefully basking in my granted good graces to be able to sleep in and avoid the 5's.

I now make it a point to never wake up in the 5's no matter what....Thankfully, even in my most busy work seasons since teaching, I have been spared from rolling over in the morning and seeing a bright red 5 staring back at my face. Glorious.

Telling poor Rob how utterly sorry I was that his rat-race-American work schedule required he be up at the crack.

To Rob: As for having to wake up at 5 AM, I'm truly sorry. I hope your Saturdays are good to you.

Just yesterday I received a phone call from a good friend of mine with whom I taught high school choir. He still teaches there, and he asked if I would choreograph his Spring Pop Show. At first he asked that I choreograph for his choirs only, which meet later in the day. No problem! I love to choreograph...and teach pubescent 9th grade boys how to keep their mammoth feet from winding around their ankles.

But THEN! He called back and said his assistant now wants me to choreograph for HER choirs as well, which meet very EARLY in the morning. And on one particular day, I have to be there at 7 freakin' 30! Not to mention he also added his men's choir into the batch. It's the choir that all the jocks take to goof around and make my teacher friend miserable. I'm scared of Men's Choir.

You know what this means, don't you? Considering the commute in the morning out to the school will probably take 45 minutes at that time, and that professionally speaking, I should arrive at least 15 minutes early.

I'm going to have to wake up IN THE 5's!

I better NOT blog about how thankful I am those pills are keeping me from getting pregnant. such a bitch.


chumly said...

Hope the pill keep working or you will be getting up in the 2's 4's and 5's in order to feed the new 1.

FancyPants said...

Seth just read my blog, and we started discussing the use of the word, b-i-t-c-h.

I used it because I think the phrase is funny.

I apologize if I offended any of you. We both agree that one of us will blog soon about the difference between a man and a woman using mild cuss words.

If you were me, would you leave the word there?

Mz Jackson said...

That comment about the pills is PRICELESS!
IMO, Seth needs to calm down. Leave the word there.

Seth Ward said...

Now, now. I was merely observing that when a men like say, Me or Cachinator says "bastard," or Brant says "Damn," or Shaun says "shit" for some reason we jump to character judgments quicker when a woman, I don't care how virtuous, says "bitch." I am not saying that it is justified or right. I am just saying that it is.

Of course this all depends on context and such but right or wrong, it is different I think. Just like it is wrong to say, "my grandma and grandpa had lots and lots of sex" in certain environments. It would also be rude and inappropriate for someone to start speaking in tongues and pray "in Jesus name" at a Jewish Seder.

I am NOT saying that it is okay for me, a man to say "ass" or "bastard" and it's not okay for a woman to say "bitch" I am just saying... Again, I think it is more striking and people jump to character conclusions quicker when it is a woman.

I feel that Amber's use of it here was just fine and worked. However, I could not help but be surprised when I first read it and I was simply trying to figure out why her use of it surprised me and it didn't when I have heard Brant, Shaun, Cach, or C-Hammer, say a few "contextually sensitive” words.

Agree? Disagree?

kddub said...

I'm sorry you have to get up and out of the house so early! However, congrats on the job!

Use of the word bitch. I say it in spanish, then I avoid offending people. (except the spanish speaking)

My husband is often "surprised" too when I say a word that I don't usually say. I think theres an expectation that women are sugar and spice and everything nice. Which is okay, (but there is a little spice in there....) and I think around other women we tend to be more that way.

For your post, I totally think it's context. It's a funny sentence, I don't see anything wrong with it. If you were calling someone that, I think it would be different.

I do agree that more men than women tend to jump to conclusions when a woman says a crude word, or out of place comment.

I would leave it there though, because I think in this case it's funny an not out of place!

Mz Jackson said...

BTW, loved chumly's comment. How true that one is!!

FancyPants said...

Yes, hello Chumly! Welcome. My thoughts exactly.


Again, I think it is more striking and people jump to character conclusions quicker when it is a woman.

And what would those be, those character conclusions?

SandinaJ said...

That sucks that you have to get up in the 5's again. But, I think it is awesome that you get to choreograph the spring show. That will be fun for you.

I've always thought it was rather funny to hear you use a curse word. I was a bit shocked when I read "bitch", but immediately laughed. I think I just wasn't expecting you to say anything like that.

So now you have to leave it since all these people have commented on it and repeated the word and added some expletives of their own.

FancyPants said...

So, maybe it's just me that took Seth by surprise. Maybe it doesn't have as much to do with women....

Confession everyone: I say curse words.

I do. Not all the time. But I do. Probably more than I used to, but I do. And unless I'm using them in a hateful or bitter way, I usually don't feel bad. There, complete honesty.

Please still be my friends.

Maybe I should join Kddub and start cursing in Spanish.

But it is interesting that only women have told me to leave the word there and that it doesn't bother them. Men, do you wish to comment?

Rob said...

Words are important, and so is our use of them. As the string of comments on this post prove, words have an impact on people.

The most troubling truth is that our words often have a different effect than we intend. This is especially true in a words-only medium like email or a blog. A large amount of our meaning is routinely transmitted in a non-verbal fashion, and there is no effective way to do that in writing. We need to be more careful than normal to make sure our words say what we intended them to say.

So, what about the word in question? Well, what was intended? FP says it was supposed to be funny, and when I read it that was exactly how it came across...I smiled. On that basis then FP communicated well (as she normally does). Her intended meaning is not even one of the "offensive" ones in the dictionary but rather one categorized as "slang" instead.

I think the discussion resulted because there are other things communicated by words like that one. In some ways Seth is correct, the context is important, and this is not a word to be used just anywhere. I don't buy the man/woman argument though. Words are words and don't change their meaning or impact based on the gender of the fingers pressing the keys. All of Seth's examples are just as jarring as FP's word.

So what do I think...? Our language and culture are changing and we are becoming less sensitive about some words (mainly sex-related ones) and more sensitive about others (mainly race-related ones). I think FP is just reflecting the times and ought not to withdraw the word. Her post would simply to become less interesting.

Seth Ward said...

Rob, great points as usual!

One thing. I MUST reiterate. I don't have a problem with Fancy's word usage here. When I first read it, it shocked me. I was simply trying to discern why this instance shocked me and when I read the same word on other "guys" blogs it doesn't bother me. My conclusion was that it is more shocking when women say curse words than when men say them. I don't know if that has to do with the fact that women spend more time with kids then men, therefore their mouths are less likely to say words that kids will repeat OR if it that our society, somehow is lopsided on this issue. Specifically, the Christian society.

Take drinking. When you see a man drinking, you are less likely to think that he sleeps around than you are when you see a woman drinking.


Chaotic Hammer said...

Well, what Seth is talking about seems to have to do with the idea of being proper and "lady-like". It's not meant to pigeonhole somebody based on gender, but even though the culture is always changing and "societal norms" are a moving target, there are still certain degrees of politeness and gentleness of speech and manner which are associated with the way that women speak.

It's sort of like the idea of a group of men sitting around watching sports, drinking beer, farting, telling crude jokes and discussing women in a vulgar and disrespectful way. It's very stereotypical, and even though I'm sure that it does actually happen all the time, it's almost become a caricature of itself because of stuff like The Man Show and Man Laws on a beer commercial.

The old standard was that women are nurturers and nesters, and men are hunters and gatherers. So the commonplace interaction among them when they were gathered into men-only and women-only groups tended to go a certain way.

Now men and women hold many of the same jobs in the workplace, and interact differently than in times past, so we wonder if the old social standards still apply or not (and I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer here).

And for what it's worth, my wife can keep up with any guy when it comes to "colorful speech", but she's trying to at least be conscientious about it, knowing that in some ways it can set a bad example and come across as disrespectful. It doesn't bother me -- it's communication, and there's a big difference between using certain words in a conversation vs. using words as fiery darts against other people (which for the record, can be done with totally "clean" and "acceptable" words).

FancyPants said...

Majority dictates I leave the word.

I will say this: First of all, I should communicate to everyone that Seth was in no way demanding I remove the word. He's not like that, and anyways, he knows that if he demands something from me he'll get the exact opposite. Which he understands because he will behave the same way if I demand something of him.

We're both incredibly stubborn, unfortunately.

BUT, Seth does raise an interesting question.

Are the societal expectations of women different than those of men? And do these expectations extend into language and appearance?

And if they indeed do, is that OK?