Friday, April 6, 2007

Birds are Gross

Warning: This post contains cursing. I'm sorry in advance if it offends you.

I was reading Brody's blog about a bird incident, and it reminded me of a bird experience I had recently. I wanted to leave this as a comment on his blog but kinda chickened out.

Birds are just gross.

I hate the tree outside our apartment because it's always swarming with birds and I'm always afraid that when I walk down the stairs to my car that they'll bomb me with their nasty bird crap.

Once Seth and I were loading up the car for a gig. We had to park under that tree. So I was holding a piece of equipment while Seth was loading and suddenly I felt something plop right on my arm. I was so mad. I yelled at Seth, "Gross! Hurry! Take this stuff. A bird just crapped on me. And it's all HOT. Right out of its ass."

Have you ever had a bird crap directly on your skin?! No lie, it's hot. Naturally, the visual that would follow the hit would be where that hot, nasty dripping mess came from. And that would be its bum.

It was so totally gross.

10 comments:

Susanne said...

I had the same thing happen, except the crap landed on my HEAD, and we were on vacation in Victoria, Canada. We're walking along in this romantic place and we're blocks away from the hotel when it happened. Very unromantic! Chad had to try hard not to laugh, but since I was about to cry he was sensitive enough to hold it in. :) I had to get a shower as soon as I got back to the hotel. Warning: seagull poop does not smell very good at all.

SandinaJ said...

I'm so sorry, but when I read this, I literally laughed out loud. I can picture you saying, "A bird just crapped on me. And it's all HOT. Right out of its ass."

That is classic Amber stuff right there!

Love ya!

The Cachinnator said...

Three months after I got to NYC. For an instant, I was outraged. But then I got really calm and reflective and thought, "Three months? It took three months for a pigeon to finally find me? Ah, well. I had a good run." And I went home and changed.

FancyPants said...

Cach: (Laughing very hard.) Those pigeons freak me out, man.

Susanne: Oh no, a seagull lays one on your HEAD! That's disgusting. i'm sorry your date was rudely interrupted.

San: Don't be sorry. You may laugh out loud at me any time you want! I'm serious. Only if you let me laugh at you back for having a scar in your eyebrow. =-)

FancyPants said...

It was a classic moment. I am still trying to identify the cuss word in this post...

Sandi, I laughed for about a half an hour after I heard her.

Chaotic Hammer said...

That's gotta be Seth posting that comment as FancyPants.

I guess Fancy was right -- her previous entry was entitled "Everyone Wants to Be Fancy". But I think Seth is taking it a little too far here.

Hey, whatever. As long as she doesn't return home to find him wearing her clothes...

kddub said...

eewww....
My aunt at sea world had a bird crap all down her shirt, then a walrus spit in her face. It was a full day of being covered in hot nasty animal fluids!

Don't chicken out, post on Brody's blog any time!

Brody Harper said...

you deleted it?!!

you said ass.

no reason to be scared to post on my blog.... everyone has an ass, even birds...

Rob said...

Many years ago I was walking along a street in Philadelphia and winged avenger nailed the front of my shirt with a great long yellow slimy one. The Korean gentleman I was walking with looked at me and said, "What good luck!" Not being the most sensitive sort of fellow, and having been the target of the thing, I bellowed at him, "HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU SAY THIS IS GOOD LUCK!" (Not quite my exact words, but you get the gist of it.)

He calmly responded, "Well, It might have landed on your head." It was a truly cosmic moment.

FancyPants said...

Good to know I am not the "winged avenger's" only target.

It's just...when it's on your bare skin....and it's HOT. Please, never again.

Seth, you're a goob.

Brody: Yes! I deleted it. #1) Because I'm a nerd. #2) Because I said ass, and the story cannot stand without using the original dialogue. But now I know that I can comment profanely any time on your blog, and for that, sir, I thank you. =-)