What's wrong with me?I'm babysitting my friend's little boy this week, remember - the heart stealer?. He and I were running errands yesterday, after undergoing the painful process of getting a one-year-old AND his stroller down a flight of stairs in a walk-up building, out two heavy doors, and down another mini-flight of stairs outside.
When we came to a corner and waited for the street light to change at the crosswalk (my rulebook for walking in NYC is modified with babies in my care), a guy sitting on a fire hydrant (couldn't tell you why he was sitting on a fire hydrant) says hi to my friend's curly haired, blue eyed toddler.
He says in a manner much to personal for strangers on the streets of New York City, "Hey little guy! Hi! Ohhhh...WOW!...what beautiful eyes!"
Then the stranger looks at me and says, "WOW! Congratulations!"
Now, aside from the fact that that is the weirdest way to say somebody's baby is cute, like the parents have won some providential prize or something, overlooking that fact, I say with a sheepish grin,
"Thanks."
The light changed. I got my white walking man. I crossed the street.
THANKS? Thanks. THANKS! What? Now why in the world did I take credit for a baby that's not mine?!?! I've been thinking about this long and hard since yesterday, because the second I said thanks and crossed the street, I debated turning around and saying, Ummm...actually.... And though I myself KNOW I am not in any way, shape, or form a nut nanny, I can't help but think: Hand That Rocks the Cradle.
I realize I committed the biggest babysitter crime EVER.
So it's necessary I evaluate the possible reasons I would commit such a hanus crime, and here's what I've come up with.
I'm either
A) A nut nanny
B) A woman whose biological clock is ticking and...it's about. that. time.
or
C) A suspicious New Yorker who just wanted to get across the street without telling a strange man her life story.
I'm gonna go with C.
That has to be it.
15 comments:
ha... i've done that before... more than once i think. but unfortunately i was much less appalled at myself than you seem to be :)
This made me laugh!....my instinct tells me the guy was flirting with YOU Fancy - by talking to your baby. You - not wanting to be rude by not saying anything - but wanting to get away asap - responded with a curt, but polite , "thanks". No harm, no foul.
The answer is B. I know this for sure. It's about. that. time.
Your friends are just trying to make you feel better, Fancy. The fact is, you're a Nut Nanny. And start taking your meds or that kid is gonna find himself with a new (and talented!) set of parents. And you won't even remember it happening because you're so crazy!!1!
And I always thought of the little "Walk Man" as being green. I mean, the "Stop Hand" is supposed to be red, right? Even though it's always a little orange-ish. The Walk Man is green. He has to be. If he's white, don't you see the problem this causes for people of color?
Hey! Yeah! So only WHITE people can cross the street? And then we have some Indian hand come up saying, "How! How! How!"
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury...
My client is a young woman with a non-confrontational personality type in a city of a zillion people. She was headed from one place to another with a child. It was her responsibility to guard the safety and well-being of that child. It would have taken an unknown additional amount of time and energy for her to explain and clarify what her actual relationship to the child was. To a complete stranger! On a street corner!
Her effort in bothering to explain the details of the situation to this complete stranger may have given him the impression, however slight, that she was in some way interested in further interaction with him. There is absolutely nothing to be gained, by either my client, the child, or the stranger, by his accurate understanding of her actual relationship to the child.
She did the right thing. And I know you'll do the right thing by dismissing this frivolous case against my client forthwith. Thank you for your time.
"hanus"? Hookt on fonix worx for me, tu. :D
If strangers have some mistaken notion, it's seldom worth it to correct them. It don't matter.
Well, my dear little one. I'm proud of you that you remembered what I always told you when you were a smaller little one. "Never talk to strangers". Yes, I do agree that this weird man sitting on a fire hydrant was indeed trying to flirt with an absolutely gorgeous young woman.
Why would you ever come up with such a hanus crime, of course, the answer is B and C. I would never bring a nut nanny into this nutty world!! But, not to say that your biological clock is ticking, just to say that Mommy dearest is ready to be a dearest NanaBetty!!!!
Hee, Hee!!
I'm married to one of you. The answer's B.
C is probably the answer, but if we're voting then I vote for B. ;)
I have done this but worse. It was premeditated, with a motive of getting somebody DISinteresed in me back in college! I think that was the most deceptive lie I have ever told...
In my book, you are in the clear.
That's nothing. I know a girl who led a stranger to believe not only that her babysitting charge was her kid, but that MY girlfriend was the other mommy.
Tiny D, aHA! And what are your reasons? HmmMMM???
Super C, well I have news for the man on the fire hydrant. FLIRTING WITH BABIES TO FLIRT WITH "MOMS" IS CREEPY.
Sandina, you think so, ehhhh???
Fork, I think you might be the funniest friend I ever had.
C-ham, as long as the jury doesn't read how I hit that van. The uhhh...non-confrontational personality argument might not hold up.
Roy, heinous. h-e-i-n-o-u-s. heinous. Deep breath. Step back in line.
Mom, when Nana B and Papa C agree to move to New York City, we might have a deal.
Cach, you think so, ehhhh???
TSB, yes - votes allowed.
Redceder, NICE going!
Aimful, now THAT's a great idea. Remembering said tactic for future creepies on fire hydrants.
Fancy, I know this may be considered bad form to comment after the author's denoument, but consider this:
If one actually has a biological clock, it is impossible for it NOT to be ticking.
Nevertheless, I think the answer is 90% C.
I think you were generous to say one word to the creepy guy! I know that when I'm out with my kids, it's harder for me to be friendly to strangers. You were in "mommy mode" for a minute...you were smart to get the kid out of the guy's way as quickly as possible. But I like choice "B" as well. :) I don't think your biological clock is in any danger though...you're still a good bit younger than I was when I had my first baby, and I still felt young. But I guess in New York, you have to make sure you're still energetic enough to make it up/down those stairs with a baby and a stroller! Wow...that would be a workout.
Major, there's no rulebook to commenting. And excellent use of the word 'denoument.'
Susanne, thank you (seriously) for sharing that about when you had your kids.
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