My friend, we'll call her "V", keeps telling me to make a "vision board." She even bought me the materials: a white poster board. That's it. A plain white poster board. And on this poster board, my assignment is to cut pictures out of magazines and paste them onto the poster board, write words, what-EVer, she says, to remind you of your goals. But not just my goals, she says. My dreams. Then she says I am to put the vision board where I can see it every day so that every day I will have in plain sight what I'm going for, reaching for, dreaming of, hoping for. Even if it's crazy.
The reason, she says, is because you're more likely to actually DO those things if you see them in front of you. Literally.
I believe her. I think it's brilliant. I love the idea.
But I can't get myself to make the darn vision board.
Why is that? Why can't I put my dreams down on paper so they're out there for the whole world (really it would be seen by only me and the hubs but it feels like the whole world) to see? It's either that I don't have any dreams, or that I don't care about them, that I'm ashamed of them, or that I'm afraid to put them down on paper because that makes them real, concrete, perhaps laughable, and extremely vulnerable.
Well it's not because I don't have any.
It's definitely not because I don't care about them, because why would I go to Kentucky for 11 weeks if I didn't care about acting? Why would I make records and go on tour if I didn't care about singing? Why would I make a fool of myself in dance class if I didn't care about dancing?
It's not that I'm ashamed of them because... am I ashamed of them? Why would I be ashamed of them? I'm not hoping for shameful things. Why would I be ashamed of something that isn't shameful?
I could definitely be afraid of them.
Why are people ashamed of their dreams?
The best answer I can come up with is that we are ashamed of what it takes to accomplish the dreams. We are ashamed of what we think will be necessary behavior to accomplish our dreams. We think "going for it" is living for ourselves, rather than living for God. We think "going for it" means being self-centered and selfish. We think profession should be in our lives only to make money to support our families and buy things and store the rest away for rainy days and college funds and retirement.
We also think dreams mean really really big things, when they don't necessarily have to be. Although they might be.
The thing is, we have a choice as to how we pursue our hopes and dreams. I had a choice to wait for the perfect man to marry. My dream came true. I could have stopped trusting that God would provide, and I could have sold out and married someone I didn't love, or someone who didn't love me. We have the opportunity, for Christians the ability, to choose God every day. I have a choice to be selfish with my life whether I'm pursuing a dream or not. I have a choice to love God and love my neighbor every single day, whether or not I'm looking at a vision board. Striving for a desired profession isn't a sin, it's how I strive for that goal that determines holiness.
Yet for some reason the artist is told, if you're not "singing for God" you shouldn't sing. If you're not "writing songs for God" you shouldn't write. If you're not "making films for God" you shouldn't make films. Yet the accountant doesn't "punch numbers for God" and that's OK. The engineer doesn't "drill oil wells for God" and he's smiled upon. The dentist doesn't "fill cavities for God" and he's a hero.
So that's it, then. I won't make my vision board because I've been told that "singing for God" makes singing OK? If I put "Broadway" on my vision board, then I'm endangering my soul.
And putting "Broadway" on my vision board sure looks laughable. I mean, that looks pretty dumb. Who really believes they can be on Broadway.
Uh...that would be...the folks on Broadway.
And what happens if I don't make it to Broadway? Then everyone laughs at me.
Nope. They don't. They say, well - good going there, Fancy. It was a fun ride.
And the folks that do anything different, like the folks that secretly rejoice if I don't succeed, are jerks. Plain and simple.
And the folks that secretly hope I don't succeed now while I'm trying? Well,....that sucks. For me and for them. For me because I sure could use all the encouragement I can get. And for them because they're missing out on a fun ride. And for the record, making a living as an actor or a singer doesn't have to mean Broadway. But wow, it sure is a fantastic goal, right?
So I'm making that vision board. Right when I get back from Kentucky, I'm making it.