Sunday, April 13, 2008

Schmooze City

Well, fancied friends, I have once and for all been introduced to High Class USA. A night of shmooze is what I attended last night. All for a good cause, mind you. But shmooze, none the less.

My friend invited me as a guest to a benefit for ACD research: a cocktail party with hor d’oeuvers and specialty drinks, a silent and live auction, after party lounge with champagne and desert, and drum roll please, a concert by Kristen Chenoweth. You can imagine my glee when my friend texted me and asked me to attend. Kristen Chenoweth?!?! Oh boy. My friend (who does my hair) was doing Kristen's hair for the event. So I texted back Yes! and she said they'd email me an invitation.

I never received an email invitation, so yesterday I called my friend to get the details and to tell her I didn't receive the invitation. She said they'd send it, but she didn't really believe that they would. Lo and behold, at around 4 PM, I checked my email and what did I find? An invitation attached to an email which read,

Our apologies Amber. We thought you had this information..

You are confirmed for 1 seat for the show. The attached document will give you any information you need. Otherise, please email....

Thanks! We look forward to seeing you tonight!

...Well! Thank you! I graciously accept your apology! I look forward to seeing you tonight, whoever you might be.

And then I realized. I don't really know what ACD is, and if I'm attending a benefit for ACD research I better know what it is, right? So I googled, "What is ACD?" , and here's what I found:

"ACD stands for Automatic Call Distribution. It is a service that enables a call to be placed on hold until an employee is available to take the call."

Surely not. Surely I'm not attending a benefit for telephone technology? So I looked again and found this:

"What is a CD? We are all familiar with a CD, but what exactly is it?"

Hmmm. Not very helpful.

The invitation also said "Broadway concert cocktail attire a must." Ohhhh-kaaaay. Broadway cocktail? What the heck does that mean? I asked my friend, and she didn't know either. I searched my closet and found a black and white dress, or I could go with a red dress.... Geesh. Which one should it be? Seth finally said the red dress might look like I was trying real hard to draw attention to myself, so I went with the black and white dress. It was an excellent choice. I would have looked like the last burning flame amongst the ashes in that red dress. Thank God I didn't wear it.

My friend had to be at the benefit hours early to get Kristin ready, so I arrived alone. In fact, I spent a good bit of the evening alone surrounded by very shmoozy people. I didn't know what to do, except just walk around or stand at the bar. Once I perused the silent auction table and pretended like I had a lot of money. That was fun.... Once I sat next to a woman who looked nice and started talking to her. She was a doctor, and then I found out what ACD was. It's a respiratory disease that babies are born with. Their lungs don't operate properly, and they usually die within 2 months from suffocating.

OK, so not a telephone technology benefit. That was confirmed.

These people were at the party.

Actor Bradley Whitford

Writer/Producer Aaron Sorkin

I didn't talk to those guys.

Actor NiCole Robinson

I talked to her but I think I called her Amy. Dang it.

And finally, the lovely, Kristin Chenoweth.

Who is the epitome of effervescent joy on stage, and wow, what a singer.

I took a picture with Kristen and got her autograph. I told her she was lovely. She told me I looked lovely. I told her the story of how I met some of her relatives on a plane ride to Tulsa, OK. She said she had lots of relatives and had no idea who I was talking about.

I think we could be great friends.

Thank you, Kathy, for a wonderful night!


Chaotic Hammer said...

Well, this is sort of sad for me. We always knew this day was coming, I guess. Just feeling a little blue that it has arrived so soon.

I very much enjoyed back in the day, when we could leave "comments" on your blog. And you'd often even reply to those, and talk to us like we were real people, and stuff.

Soon, these "blog posts" will simply be PR done by "your people". If they're not already.

I reckon we should leave gushing, adoring praise, and stories about how we once met somebody who actually met you in person once, as you walked by and said something to the effect of "Excuse me, get out of my way, please."

FancyPants said...

Cachinnator's already agreed to be my personal assistant.

Right, Cach?

Chaotic Hammer said...


You mean Wacoan of the Year, Champagne for lunch, eleven course meal eating Cachinnator? Your personal assistant?

Wow, it's worse than I thought.

cool dad said...

That sounds very schmoozy and high-brow indeed. Congratulations on your social promotion!

I, unfortunately, cannot remember the last time, if ever, I attended a function that featured "hor d’oeuvres" or this "champagne" you speak of.

Katy said...

Okay, first, MAJOR jealousy over your getting to hear Kristin in person. Of course, I'd actually love it if tomorrow you wrote a detailed blog about the concert: what she sang, how she sang it, etc., etc., but then I'd be outing myself for the total dork that I am. So instead I'll just stick with "How nice for you."

Second, any chance we're talking about Kathy Lineberger?

majorsteve said...

I loved that post. I found myself smiling throughout the whole thing as I was reading. It must be nice to have the polish and confidence to feel comfortable in those kinds of situations. SCL has it, Uncle G has it, you have it. I don't have it. But that's ok, I get along just fine vicariously. That was a good story.

FancyPants said...

Cool Dad, you should have seen the martini's they were serving.

Katy, the very same Kathy! Kristen sang a bunch of Jerome Kern, which suits her very well. For an encore she sang "Glitter and Be Gay." She of course sang "14G." Amazing. And she just makes you smile. She's a joy to watch. Really really funny.

Major, who said anything about feeling comfortable!? =-) It's the appearance of comfortable that counts. One thing I did keep doing was talking really loudly about the famous people in the room to Kathy, questions like "What's his name again?" And sure enough, almost every time that person would be RIGHT behind me, or walking RIGHT past me...

And I agree, SCL and Uncle G have it. Such dapper folk they are.

Roy said...

Did you find out, at the benefit, what ACD is? You probably did, but you didn't share it with us, so I had to look it up.

It struck me that you may, yourself, be affected. So it's good that you found out about it.

Roy said...

I should point out that I was only teasing in my comment above. It should have a smiley or a wink or something.

Note to self: read more than the headline of a page before you say it applies to somebody.

This Southern Belle said...

Oh, fancypants IS so fancy, isn't she? ;) What a fun experience! Good choice on the dress.(I was silently chanting "Go with the the black and white" until you revealed that you did so!)

Popcorn said...
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Popcorn said...
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Popcorn said...

Wow. I'm green!I love little unexpected social treats like that. SCL and G graciously invited us out to a nice event like that recently and it was sooo much fun! I'm glad you were able to go.

FancyPants said...

Roy, on first look, I'm flattered. On second, I forgive you.

Crackin' me up! I assure you my Shirley Temple phase is long gone, if there ever even was one to begin with. I do remember singing "The Good Ship Lollypop" at some point in my childhood. But I'm not sure Shirley Temple ever enjoyed a martini quite like I can...

FancyPants said...

Southern Belle, hey next shmoozer party I'll give you a holler over there on your blog and we can make sure together that my fancy shmancy attire is apropos. =-)

Pop, I wouldn't have missed it for the world! Kristen Chenoweth signed my program! And...have I mentioned the martinis?