Dear Man Who Lives Above Us,
How do you do? My name's FancyPants. How are you liking your place up there? Too bad you don't have a deck like us. But I bet your place is great. We love ours.
I hope you're not bothered by our late night movie watching habit. We're night owls, you see. We're trying to be careful and keep the volume down. It's the least we can do. Don't you agree?
If I could make a request, Man Who Lives Above Us. We have a vent in our bathroom that leads to outside. I'm sure it's some city rule or something. But you see, somehow, because of that vent, I can hear you when you're in your bathroom. I hear when you turn your shower on. I hear when you flush your toilet. I hear when you yell at your wife or friend or partner or whoever. But most disturbing to me,
I hear you fart. And it really grosses me out.
So do you think you could fart a little quieter? I mean, it's the least you could do. Don't you agree?
Thank you, Man Who Lives Above Us, for understanding. Best of luck in this crazy city we call home.