Thursday, April 17, 2008

Letter to the Man One Floor Higher

Dear Man Who Lives Above Us,

How do you do? My name's FancyPants. How are you liking your place up there? Too bad you don't have a deck like us. But I bet your place is great. We love ours.

I hope you're not bothered by our late night movie watching habit. We're night owls, you see. We're trying to be careful and keep the volume down. It's the least we can do. Don't you agree?

If I could make a request, Man Who Lives Above Us. We have a vent in our bathroom that leads to outside. I'm sure it's some city rule or something. But you see, somehow, because of that vent, I can hear you when you're in your bathroom. I hear when you turn your shower on. I hear when you flush your toilet. I hear when you yell at your wife or friend or partner or whoever. But most disturbing to me,

I hear you fart. And it really grosses me out.

So do you think you could fart a little quieter? I mean, it's the least you could do. Don't you agree?

Thank you, Man Who Lives Above Us, for understanding. Best of luck in this crazy city we call home.

Sincerely,

FancyPants

16 comments:

MeR said...

Wow. What did "Man who lives above us" say?

Popcorn said...

O my. Poor man who lives upstairs. He has no clue! If you can't, well, get things taken care of in the assumed privacy of your own bathroom, where can ya?? I feel for his innocent self. : ( And yes, I feel for you, too, FancyP. How gross.

cool dad said...

I thought this was a "letter to God" post. y'know, "The Man Upstairs"?

When read in that context, this is really funny. Or blasphemous. Either way, quite noteworthy!

MeR said...

(Laughing)...I thought it was a post about God at first, too....

At least you can't smell them. (Can you?...)

Super Churchlady said...

That was me above...not Mer.

FancyPants said...

Ha ha! I changed it guys. No more "Letter to the Man Upstairs."

Is this better?

SCL, no I can't, thank God.

The Cachinnator said...

Okay... here's what you do: You get the biggest loudest whoopie cushion you can find. You have it ever ready and inflated in the bathroom. Every time you hear a loud fart, immediately fart back with the cushion. Not only will it be the funniest thing you do all month, it just might get your message across.

Good luck doing it without cracking up though.

cool dad said...

i think it's blasphemy-free now :)

Kristin said...

ha ha ha ha....

Oh that is gross....

I'm sorry

brody said...

If a man can't fart as loud as he wants in his own residence where can he fart as loud as he wants?

I am an advocate for farting as loud as one wants within his place of residence and I think Seth would agree.

FancyPants said...

Mer, Man Who Lives Above Us said something to the effect of what Brody said.

Brody, well that grosses me out, too.

Cach, the only problem I can see with that fantastic and hilarious! plan is that I'd be sitting all day in my bathroom with a whoopie cushion. That plan is cracking me up.

euphrony said...

Do they make a muffler for that?

FancyPants said...

Euph,

Do they make a muffler for what?

The vent or farts?

Anonymous said...

It reminds me Kristen's song, The Man in 15G, or something like that.

MamasBoy said...

I'm with Brody. If a man's only space to call his own is a few hundred square ft. apt. in NYC, then at least he should be able to fart there. Do you never hear your husband's farts? Why are they not gross?

MB

FancyPants said...

Who said they weren't?