Wednesday, March 19, 2008


It's not natural for a dog to poop on the pavement.

Just plain dadgum unnatural.

I hate walking by a dog taking a crap on the sidewalk in Manhattan.

HATE it.

They look horridly embarrassed: ears back, necks out, beady little eyes, glancing ashamedly at passer-bys. The dogs hate it, too! No grass or shrubs to hide their gross contorted excrementing bodies.


Gross, gross, gross.


The Aimful Wanderer said...

I once saw a well-to-do lady walking up Columbus Avenue pushing one of those little carts you typically associate with people who can't afford to have their groceries delivered like this lady obviously could. So I thought it strange and I took a second look.

Her cart was full of dachshunds and shih-tzus. They were all piled on top of each other. For a moment I was afraid she was on her way to her puppy-coat factory. But then I saw the seven pairs of rolling, blinking, mortified brown eyes.

This story has nothing to do with poop, but I thought it a good example of rules the don't apply in NYC. Who needs to expend the effort of walking seven hyperactive toy dogs when you can just pile them in a cart and take them for a roll instead?

This Southern Belle said...

Poor dog! I get that city-folk need companionship too, but I feel so badly for dogs who live in the concrete jungle!

The Cachinnator said...

Dogs + NYC without a yard = bad, mean, and wrong.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Your observations are right-on. We noticed this very thing when visiting there. The dogs definitely know it's not natural, and look awkwardly ashamed.

Yet we still saw dogs everywhere.

FancyPants said...

Aimful, a great example! Speaking of ladies walking on Columbus. Just last week I was walking on Columbus behind this little old lady. Ya know the kind that are so old but practically give you the finger if you try to help them cross the street? (Never again.) Well, this little old lady was just walking along...and then...she just crumbled to the ground. Right in front of the Barnes and Noble at Lincoln Center, actually. Nothing broke her fall. Just poof...down. We all huddled around and helped her up. She said it was just her arm that felt hurt, but she looked like she had no idea where she was. The manager at B&A ended up taking her inside, and I went on about my business. That also has nothing to do with poop, but it was crazy. I was so sad for her, but I admit I also thought, see New York little old ladies? You should accept people's help! You need it!

TSB, city-folk could possibly look to cats or fish or...humans for companionship. But no, not here. It's dog or die. Course, what's really fun about fish? And cats are evil.

Cach, you think Bert and Ernie could hack it? I wouldn't wish that embarrassment upon them for all the world.

C-ham, everywhere.

tiny dancer said...

I can almost hear Princess Fiona cussing us out if we should ever dare to subject her to that degree of humiliation. She actually becomes visibly disgusted with us when she has to go on damp grass, here in good ole green Texas! (Not to mention the flat-out refusals if its raining)

I don't know about Bert and Ernie, but I for sure know one glamorous pug who couldn't hack it in NYC!!!

Popcorn said...

Your husband is rubbing off on you. This is such a Seth post!! Hilarious/gross. I have to say that dogs don't look any happier performing that chore on grass either. It's disgusting no matter what.

Seth Ward said...


I swear I've seen that woman! The day I saw her the dogs were going nuts and I laughed because it looked hilarious.

She about chomped my head off.

FancyPants said...

I remember that woman now! Ha ha! That's funny. She was so upset. She kept saying, "Stop laughing! What's wrong with them?! Something's wrong! What's wrong with them?!" I'll tell ya what's wrong with them lady. They're piled on top of each other in a grocery cart!

Tiny Dancer, oh Princess Fiona would be SO ashamed. She'd be scarred for life.

Popcorn, something about dirt and grass that shields the full effect. Especially of the...well...when the crud hits the's kind of more disgusting when the "remains" lack their natural camouflage-esque environment. If you get my drift. And also, and just as important for ole' Fido, grass sort of covers up the dog's bum-hole in the well as the "fall" space between the bum-hole and the ground. I'm just sayin.

It's very disturbing to see this process occur on the concrete.

Seth Ward said...

It's also extra special when you are chomping into a fresh warm Gyro or hot dog. Nothing like chewing fresh warm food while watching fido's twix-bar-playdo pinch and plop.

To top it off, you gotta love the plastic glove follow-up when the owner grabs the hot pile and chunks it into a nearby can, as you pass by a'chewing.

FancyPants said...

See Popcorn, I would never say such a phrase as he did at the end of that first paragraph.



I can't believe you just wrote that on my blog, Seth!

Popcorn said...

True! Yuck!!

The Aimful Wanderer said...

Hahaha. I wish I had seen the rebellion. They all looked so sad and resigned the day I saw them. I wanted to tip over her cart and set them free. They could have made a new life for themselves in the wildnerness of Central Park, pooping in the privacy of shrubs and feastin on tourists who don't heed the warnings to stay on the paths. I might start telling people that's what happened so I can responsible for creating the next great urban legend of Manhattan. Take that, sewer gators.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Fancy - But we love Seth for being like that. We love the way he tells the truth about things, just puts it right out there, honest and real.

Obviously, you love him too. Even when he's filling up your blog comments with poopy-talk. On a blog post where you broached the subject.

Rob said...

Quite a stretch from the ethics of orchestrated philanthropy to the mechanics of public pooping.

The mind reels!

FancyPants said...

Rob, we use all levels of cognition here at the FancyPants Factory. =-)

C-Ham, I plead the fifth.

Super Churchlady said...

When our dogs go poop - we call that weird position they get in "the question mark." It's funny - isn't it?

FancyPants said...

SuperC, the position or what you call it?

Super Churchlady said...

Like the way they hump up their backs - it looks like they are making a sideways question mark with their bodies. (*OK - I know this is gross - but it really DOES look like a sideways question mark.)

FancyPants said...

Mm-hmm. Majorly gross. Especially on the sidewalk.

Roy said...

This blog is getting an unhealthy fixation on poop. First your experience with the special tea, and now this! I worry about the Fancy Pants, frankly.

On a completely unrelated note, I've uploaded Is This Home? (starring you) to YouTube. It's marvelous.

FancyPants said...

Roy, ha ha! Oh the Fancy Pants are as fancy as ever! No worries!!

Thanks for the link!