Thursday, September 20, 2007

Ha Ha H-HA Ha!

I got to see an advanced screening of the Jesse James movie last night.

An advanced screening, by invitation only.

Yeah, me!

My friend temps for some big exec over at MTV, and when he got his invite in the mail, he didn't want to go and handed it over to her. And she called me. So we sat in a mini movie theatre with other big time entertainment execs on the 10th floor of the Time Warner Building, and watched a movie before anybody else in the city! I did glance around for famous people, but I beheld none. I guess you gotta be at the big shmoozy premiers for that. All in good time, all in good time. Ha.

Yeah.

That brings me to another point here. Everyone in this city tells these celebrity sighting stories, and so far I've seen zilch. Nada. No one. Famous, that is. Oh well. I did see The Monk (don't know his real name, sadly) in a restaurant when I was here with my mom. But that's it. None since we've lived here.

However, I did witness a crazy scene on the street at Broadway and 83rd. A woman, she looked Middle Eastern, was shouting at the top of her lungs. CALL THE POLICE! CALL THE POLICE!! GET AWAY FROM ME! SOMEBODY, CALL THE POLICE. I couldn't see her at first because of the crowd gathered around her. I saw New Yorkers around me stop walking, look over at the scene, and take out their phones. Then they slowly but surely made their way over to the large crowd. I did the same, except I didn't talk out my phone. Figured enough people had called 911 already. And when I got there, I saw this gigantic black woman practically on top of this Middle Eastern woman, pinning her down, flat on the ground. The woman was screaming and squirming. Her eyes bloodshot and crazy.

So I ask this woman next to me what happened.

And she said that the Middle Eastern woman and a man, perhaps her husband, were coming out of the store, and supposedly had stolen something from the store. The woman had a baby in her arms. Well, the security guard started pulling on the woman and tackeling her...with the baby still in the woman's arms. So she goes crazy, hands the baby over to the man, and tells him to run, while the woman screams for the police because this security guard was about to harm her baby.

Whacked out is what I say.

The New Yorkers were all mad at the security guard for tackeling this woman with the baby, and I'm thinking, well if the woman's gonna rob a store with a baby in her arms....maybe she should think twice and leave the kid at home.

I know. She may not have stolen anything, and if that were the case, well then, the security guard's got some 'splaining to do.

Oh, and yesterday morning, while crossing the intersection at Amsterdam, I stepped on someone's thong.

Gross.

12 comments:

Seth Ward said...

Wow that's some high stepping there! Either that or she was a midget. A dwarf? What are vertically challenged people going by these days?

Rob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rob said...

OK, trial #2...

Was the FancyFoot attempting to remove the wearer of said unmentionable from her proximity? Oh, the shame of it all!

The Cachinnator said...

Hey thong-stepper, when the lady started screaming for help, why didn't you just summon the super-powers of your husband by yelling, "Water! Back! On! Now!"?

Stephen and Haley said...

Well, so far St. Andrews isn't quite so exciting! Actually, its probably the opposite of NYC. With the exception of housing - its probably about the same size, down to the miniature fridge! Glad to see your getting broken into the big city. I must say that I did see Hulk Hogan at a book signing inside a music/book store while I was there! Be patient, I'm sure you'll see a celebrity soon - just go down to Soho! But eventually, you'll probably BE one of those celebrities :)

Hales

Super Churchlady said...

Hey YOU! Go to Patsy's to see celebrities. (W. 56th, I think) Way back in the day - you used to have to wear a coat in there and if you didn't have one, they would give you one of theirs (the size of which may or MAY NOT fit you). Hilarious. You could spot all the tourists with the ill-fitting, ratty, food-stained coats paired with their Bermuda shorts. I'm pretty sure that last bastion of decorum has gone by the wayside now and you can wear whatever in there. It's REAL Eye-talian food with real Eye-talians. Miss you and yours!!!

Chaotic Hammer said...

Celebrity sightings are way over-rated. I actually got a lot of those in California, and can think of absolutely nothing about them that was worth mentioning.

Seems that for most people, it's a name-dropping thing. When you've had a lot of interaction with celebs, you can work stuff into conversations with your friends like "Yeah, when I was hanging out at the club last week with Kiefer Sutherland, I said to him...", so that your friend can interrupt you with "You were hanging out with WHO?!?!?". And you can nonchalantly say "You know, Kiefer Sutherland, the actor -- he's actually a pretty cool guy...".

Also, I'm pretty sure that thongs are not meant to be stepped on.

Bill Hensley said...

If you stepped on someone's thong while they were still wearing it then New York's a lot more crowded than I thought!

I will now try to put that picture out of my mind...

FancyPants said...

Thank you, Seth, for completely miscontruing my words and causing all to think I walk around New York City disarming women...or men perhaps...of their thongs.

No, no. The thong (red and black striped, cotton I think and that's by briefly glancing because no I did not attempt to study the thing) was strangely and grossly lying in the middle of the street at Amsterdam and 83rd. I saw it early in the morning on the way to an audition and dodged it. But on the way BACK, forgot to look out for said thong, and stepped right on it. And upon feeling something sort of squishy under foot, I turned around to see what it was, remembering mid turn the thong I saw previously the same day. Hoping it an incorrect assumption, I was grotesquely disappointed when I saw the infamous thong in the pathway directly behind me.

Matt and Shelley said...

It doesn't surprise me at all that it felt squishy. Gross. I've seen my share of used condoms on the ground, but I've never had the pleasure of the thong!! The last time I saw a thong it was hiked up on a fellow teacher's back at my school as she bent over. What a great way to motivate students!

FancyPants said...

Cach, that's a power that must specifically be reserved for SuperSethWard. I've tried and tried and for some strange reason, I receive no response....

Hales, glad you made it there safely! St. Andrews looks beautiful from the pic on your blog. How are you two dealing in the small space? Seth says as long as I have a door to slam we'll be fine. =-)

Super Churchlady, Patsy's huh? Oooh I can't wait. Good thing they probably don't require coats, cuz uh...well...you know Seth. Oh I take that back. He's got blazers. Just as long as they don't require ties...

CHam, I don't really care if I have a conversation with a celebrity. I just want to gawk at one.

Bill and Rob, my explanation lies in my previous comment. I know you're dying to know if I attacked a small person for his/her thong.

Shelley, hey I'm bummed cuz I can't get into your blog! What gives, huh? HUH!?!?! (says the crazy blog stalker) But seriously, I do quite enjoy your posts. Hope to converse with you there again sometime in the future. =-)

P.S. Woah. Watch out for those crazy New Jersey teachers.

Chaotic Hammer said...

...And upon feeling something sort of squishy under foot...

Oh my. This just went from bad to worse really quickly.

...I don't really care if I have a conversation with a celebrity. I just want to gawk at one.

Well then we really should have stuck around at the Hard Rock and gawked at Willie Nelson. :-)

We still get the biggest kick out of that. Go all the way to NYC, see a huge crowd gathered and bright lights, and a red carpet, all for -- Willie Nelson. A guy you can see sitting around at a bar in Nashville or Austin just about any time, but minus all the fuss.

I guess for some people, this gawking thing is quite a sport:

gawker.com

Note that they have a Stalker section. Looks like George Clooney was just a few blocks away from you guys just a couple of days ago filming a movie.