Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Apartment Saga: Apartment B

Apartment B.

We signed for it on the dotted line and hadn't known it.

Brokers check? Paid.

Security deposit? Paid.

First and last month's rent? Paid.

They had our money. I had no more time. They said they would let us out of our lease, and I suppose they would have reimbursed us, but who knows! The point was we had to be out of our Houston apartment in two weeks, and I needed to come home and pack. And organize. And throw stuff away. And sell cars. And sell couches and a table and chairs. And say good-bye.

We had to make a choice. Option 1: We pay ALOT more money for happy Apartment A. Option 2: We pay more money for a bigger apartment in the same building, also moving in at a later date and therefore putting all our stuff in storage and staying with my parents in Tulsa. Option 3: I stay longer and start the process all over again, while Seth packed up all our stuff and organized and...yeah, not an option. (Sorry, my dear, but we both know you would have rather lit the whole place on fire than be in charge of packing it all up. Plus you were working. I know I know.) Option 4: We keep what we have and deal. Even if we were wronged, purposefully or accidentally.

This decision was a turning point in my life. Here's what I mean. This decision was damn hard to make, and not a soul on earth could make this decision for us. And some of those souls had some very strong opinions as to what we should do. Very strong. I'm finding that people who aren't you have a tendency to think they know better than you what you should do. And the problem with me was that I always thought they knew better, too. Decision making for me was a fretful ordeal, wondering who I would please and displease with my decision.

But God, faithfully answering prayer, made it clear. Apartment A, the happy apartment but much more expensive, the one we wanted, was rented, deal sealed, that very morning, the morning our decision had to be made. OK, so that option: gone.

Now the real kicker. We could have waited and moved later. We could have stayed with my parents. It would have worked. Here's where the decision was really actually very simple.

What was our desire? What did we want?

We wanted to move to New York City....sooner rather than later.

What did it cost?

Some space, a closet, and bigger windows.

What did it require?

Humility. Faith. Creativity. Fortitude. Hope. Perseverence. Surrender.

Weird, huh? What we wanted required surrender. God's still requiring it of me, because I fight every day to do it. And....there's more.



kddub said...

I like that you are explaining out your journey, can't wait to here the rest.

Amy said...

yes, this is very interesting reading!