Nanny Diaries

I arrive at my nannying destination. 7-year-old boy is in trouble and in his room. He's crying. 2-yr-old boy is NOT in trouble, and 7-year-old thinks 2-year-old should get the same punishment as he does, even though 2-yr-old didn't do anything wrong.

7-yr-old emerges from his room for dinner. 2-yr-old is already in high chair, and through the following discourse is only half paying attention, very happy about eating his food. Dad is sitting down at the table. Mom is putting food is front of them all. I'm...trying to make myself useful.

7-YR-OLD: (whining) Why did you give me a baby bowl?? I don't WANT a baby bowl!

DAD: It's fine. Eat what's been given you.

7-YR-OLD: But I don't WANT this baby bowl!! I'm not eating this!! Put it in another bowl!

DAD: The bowl's fine. You don't need another one.

7-YR-OLD: YES I DO! I'm not eating this until you put it into another bowl!

DAD: There's no reason to dirty another bowl.

7-YR-OLD: I NEED another bowl!

DAD: That's enough! To your room. Now. Don't come out until you can speak nicely.

7-YR-OLD: (glares at Dad)

DAD: Now. To your room.

7-YR-OLD: (still glaring)

DAD: NOW. One...

2-YR-OLD: Two! Three!

7-YR-OLD: (to 2-Yr-Old) You are SO mean! You STAY OUT OF THIS! You have NOTHING to do with this!

7-yr-old stomps out of the kitchen, into his room, crying dramatically. He cries and yells to himself in his room, or maybe to his stuffed animals? Dinner is finished. Dad and Mom and 2-yr-old go to the opposite side of the apartment. I'm still in the kitchen. I hear from the 7-yr-old's room: (He's still crying and wailing to himself.)

7-YR-OLD: These are the LAST WORDS BEFORE I DIE! THE LAST WORDS BEFORE I DIE!

Would you like to see what I live with?

Seth's Firside Chat:

Eyelash Trouble

I just pulled out a clump of my eyelashes. Like, probably four or five. At one time.

I spent the last ten minutes asking Seth if he could see a space where they came out, and googling "Do eyelashes grow back."

I found out that yes, they grow back, and it usually takes 4 - 8 weeks.

Unless you have a hypothyroid problem.

?!?!?!?!

Untitled

Sometimes the world opens.
It says yes.
Or maybe it just says nothing.
A blank white screen with blinking cursor.
The sun's warmth upon a turned corner.

Silence.

Allowing words, allowing steps, allowing thought.
Action.
The poet's canvas.

And if the world is silent...we ask.
Our creation: a mere question,
Dialogue between the created and its creator.
Ask before the world closes.
Ask. Ask. Ask.
Before the screen goes dark and the sun dips behind the building
Or before the clanging.
Before pain, before duty, before the quickening steps,
Ask when the world opens.

8:42 AM:

Got up at 6. Put on a cute little audition dress. Layered up. Threw my dress shoes in my bag. Pulled on my UGGS. Tromped over to Starbucks. Got a double tall skim caramel macchiato. Tromped over and down to the subway. Went to my audition. Found out they weren't seeing non-Eq. Turned right back around. Tromped over and down to the subway. Am home in my cozy apartment.

It's OK. It MIGHT be possible that in the rush of the morning routine...I didn't shave my legs.

TMI?

Why We Need A Savior

I'm in an elevator. Enter a 6-yr-old and his mother.

6-YR-OLD: (to his mother) "Buy a dog! Buy a dog! BUY A DOG! I can have whatever I want! YES I CAN!! WhatEVER I want for my 7th birthday. I can have whatever I want and I don't need to ask Abba if I can have it. Because I can have WHATEVER I WANT!"

And why I think that child should get duct tape for his 7th birthday.

New Things I Like in the New Year

Some new things I like a whole lot lately:


Sudoku: completely addicting.

Haagen Daz Vanilla Raspberry Swirl Frozen Yogurt: delicious and refreshing.

Brussel Sprouts: can you believe it? I made them tonight to look like the picture above.

Superfood: it looks gross but tastes SO good.

Sleeping Pills: obviously

Gap Body Lotion: These I liked all last year but just started using them every day because it gets so dry here.

MacBook: because it kicks major hynie.

My iPhone: because it's rad.

Hello fancied friends. I'm sitting at an audition waiting to be seen, typing this from my iPhone. Just because I can! It's 9:30 am. Back to the grueling life of the auditionee. 6 am mornings. The last two mornings I was supposed to get up at 6 am and overslept my alarm because I couldn't go to sleep the night before. Well! No more of that.

Drugs.

Last night I took drugs. Good ole over the counter sleeping pills. I fell asleep at 11:30 pm. This is a record for me, folks. Of course I woke up at 2 am and had the weirdest sleep for the rest of the night. I kept thinking I couldn't go to sleep and then I'd look at the clock and it was way later than I thought. The I woke up at 6:30 this morning with these weird images of my dream, even though I thought I hadn't slept. So, maybe not the best sleep ever but I feel nice and rested this morning.

Drugs will be had tonight again.

The plan is to try to get myself into a routine and then I won't need them anymore. That's the plan, anyways.

**************************************

UPDATE: 11:34 AM

I was seen at my audition, very early into the process, like at 10:34 AM or something. Considering the call started at 10 AM, that's pretty rad. There was one guy behind the table, who was a casting assistant, and one accompanist. Both were very grumpy. After I finished singing (it was a good audition), the man behind the table grumpily said thank you, and I cheerily, (I was cheery because I knew I had given a good audition), turned to the accompanist to retrieve my music, smiled, and told him in so many words, "Great playing. That was a lot of fun." (Because it was, and sometimes those accompanists are really bad, and it just came out of my mouth.) My cheery disposition was met with a sarcastic and rude, "Uh-huh." To which I ultimately ignored and left the room, my cheery disposition in tact. So be grumpy all you want, rude people, but you're certainly not going to ruin my day today because I've made up my mind to not be reactionary. You'll end up having the bad day because you couldn't enjoy yourself even though you chose to listen to a bunch of people scream all day. Not my problem. Best of luck. Sincerely, FancyPants.

Nanny Diaries

7-YR-OLD: Is Hitler a bad word?

ME: No, Hitler's not a bad word. Hitler was a bad man.

7-YR-OLD: He was a VERY evil man.

ME: Yes, he was. You don't want to go around calling people Hitler, though.

7-YR-OLD: Hitler's in hell.

ME: Wellll...I understand why you would say that, but we shouldn't say he's in hell.

7-YR-OLD: But he did very bad things, and very bad people go to hell.

ME: Wellllll...still, we shouldn't say he's in hell.

7-YR-OLD: Why not? He is, though. He IS in hell.

ME: We shouldn't say that people are in hell because that's only something God can say. We leave that up to God.

7-YR-OLD: Oh. Well I didn't know that.

ME: It's OK. Now you do.

Untitled

It's the light in your eyes
that reveals what was past
and reminds me of what will be.
And I wonder, will I see the light from your eyes
in his?
Will it speak on its own accord telling
the world of its wonder
and cause me to fall further in love.
With you, with him, with life.
With God.

My Christmas and my iPhone

I hope you all had a very merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukkah, for all two of my Jewish readers. Here's wishing you all a Happy Happy New Year.

My parents left yesterday. Something about people leaving in a cab...the goodbyes are brutal. You have to rush all the bags in the trunk and then rush all the hugs because the cab is holding up traffic. Then your parents rush into the cab, and the cabbie rushes away. HE doesn't care that you're still waving, or yelling one last "I love you," or telling your dad how to work the credit card machine in the cab. He's just gone. Pedal to the medal. Your parents have vanished.

BUT, the good news is my brother and his wife are still with us. We saw the Nutcracker tonight at Lincoln Center. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I've never seen the Nutcracker like this. Words can't explain. I want to see every single ballet the New York City Ballet puts on from here on out, for the rest of my life.

The other good news is that my parents left me with my Christmas gift: the upgraded iPhone with the fast and furious 3G internet. It's awesome. I've downloaded a free game of Sudoku and have been playing non-stop. I'm an "Expert" now. Record of 38 minutes.

If any of you know my husband, you know that he is a Mac FANATIC. He got his iPhone last year and tried to convince ME to get one, too. But I, the more patient and logical one, said to him, "Nope, nope, nope. I'm waiting till they upgrade. Those suckers always upgrade and you're left with the crappier one if you bought it too soon." My mom and I went to the Apple store to purchase my new prized item. Seth came along. Here's how it went along the way there.

ME: Ready to go to the Apple store, guys?

SETH: Maybe you should just take my iPhone, and I'll get the upgraded one.

ME: Pfshhh. No.

Here's how it went when we got to the Apple store:

MAC GUY is setting up my account. Then he tells me all about my iPhone.

ME: Ok.....Cool.....Ok.....Yeah.....Ok.

SETH: (interrupting MAC GUY with some computer language I don't understand): 110000101 10010010 0100010 001 010100 101010001 iLiberty 01010010 0100 010101 01101 0001 11101. iLiberty 0101 0111101 1111 000101 101 10001 0101 101010101.

MAC GUY: (distracted from helping me. Turns to Seth): Yeah! 0101001 0101 01010 1000010 10111 001 1001 000 11011 111 11 iLiberty 1111 1001 1010101.

SETH: iLiberty...iLiberty....iLiberty.

MAC GUY: 100101 101 1010101 01101 1010101 10100101 0001 10100101 001 101 1011.

SETH: 0111010 1011 1010110 iLiberty--

ME: HEY! Shut up! This is MY iPhone. MINE. MY time.

This is how it went when we got home from the Apple store:

SETH: Hey, can I see your iPhone?

ME: Pfshhh. No.

It's not that I'm selfish. It's that I told him so. And since I told him so, I have no mercy.

If you lived with Seth, you'd understand the glory in an "I told you so." But seeing as you don't, you may all go on believing that I'm selfish, and that I've lost the meaning of Christmas, and so on and so forth. But I'll go on playing Sudoku and pulling up this here blog faster than he can.

Christmas Time is Here

My parent's arrived yesterday, after two delayed flights and their luggage lost. The good news is they're here. And Laguardia located their luggage. Laguardia over the holidays is never fun.

My parents are staying at our friends' apartment. Our friends, along with their toddler, left this week to see family, and they offered their home to my parents. Our friends live just a block away from us. It's perfect.

We'll be shlepping around the city like crazy tourists. Macy's and Saks today. The Mac store. (Yessss.) And the musical, White Christmas, tonight. My brother and his wife get here the day after Christmas, and my entire family will come see my show on Sunday.

It finally feels like Christmas.

Merry Christmas, folks!

Umbrella Walking

It snowed yesterday. Quite a bit. All day long. I don't know how many inches, but it was a lot. This is me out in the snow.


Note two things in the picture above. 1) The UGGS. 2) The Umbrella. The UGGS turned up useless by the end of the day because surprisingly and unfortunately, UGGS are not waterproof. My socks spent the latter half of the day drying over the heater in our living room. The Umbrella however (yes, with a capital "U,") was my hero.

Umbrella walking in New York City is not an easy task. It is not a task like crossing the street, which becomes more instinctual with time. Umbrella walking simply sucks. Each time. Every time. It is not fun. It is painful. And it is unfair. All this because people don't give a rat's boohiney about how their umbrellas invade your space, or poke your eye out, or scrape your head, or catch and pull your hair. It's each man for himself. Stay dry no matter the cost.

I have often wondered, why am I the one who always moves my umbrella out of the way for YOU. Why am I always the one who sees the man or woman about to pass me and lifts my umbrella higher than the oncoming traveler's so that the two umbrellas do not interlock and mangle themselves to pieces. Why do I have to get extra wet because I'm avoiding a gazillion little pokey things that could have a detrimental effect on my face.

And fancied friends, I have come up with a solution to my quandary, and the answer lies in that picture you see at the beginning of this post.

See how that Umbrella is very LARGE?

Hmmmm? See it?

That's the solution! That's the answer! You see, before yesterday I was walking around with a rinky dink umbrella that flipped inside out with every gust of wind. It was a mere child's thing! Useless. Weak. UNmenacing. Shrinking back from every bully umbrella that came its way. A disgrace to the umbrella race it was. A disgrace to the umbrella race.

But NOW. I've upgraded. Yesterday I was walking along and all of the sudden a man next to me said, "Woah!" and had to do a Neo (you know, like one of those slow motioned back bends) to avoid my Umbrella. As I walked the block I noticed those around me swerve and duck and dive and maneuver, while I peacefully walked along on the ever so beautiful white winter day.

I returned home with wet feet and both eyes.

My Umbrella. My hero.

That's Entertainment

Warm day today. Like, 64...66 degrees. Very odd for this time of year. But, you don't really care about the weather in New York City. Do you?

Mayor Bloomberg is making budget cuts for all New York City agencies, which includes the Sanitation, Police, and Fire Departments.

A slew of Broadway shows will be closing early 2009, Gypsy being the latest to release its news. Grease, Hairspray, Spamalot, Spring Awakening, 13, Boeing-Boeing, and Young Frankenstein are some of the others joining it in its farewell.

But you don't really want to hear about how the hard economic times are affecting New York City. Do you?

Wouldn't you rather hear about which movies I've watched recently?

Here they are, all fantastic:

Moonstruck

Sleepless in Seattle

Fargo (Oh geez, Margie)

27 Dresses (not AS fantastic, but still pretty good)

The Prestige

Sullivan's Travels

Rear Window

Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf

A Streetcar Named Desire

Here's a list of the ones on my Netflix queue, coming up!:

Strangers on a Train

The Birds

Psycho

Notes on a Scandal

Billy Elliot

A Cry in the Dark

All About Eve

Gigi

The Philadelphia Story

Anyone got any great movie ideas, old classics or not-so-old classics that I should add to my queue? Or just ones you love?

Those Were the Days

Those were the days when
the china was out
and the rug was new
and the bed in our room
was always a bed.
And suitors came knocking
And buyers came gawking
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Yes, the dish ran away with the spoon.

Not tired.

Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired.

I'm telling you, this works better than counting sheep.

Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired.

A couple days ago, I picked up a guitar for the first time in ages. To play something OTHER than Coal Miner's Daughter and Delta Dawn, which I played one too many times this summer, and sang with a fake Southern accent while dressed in pigtails.

I'm starting to crave the recording studio again, and singing as myself instead of whoever.

But I DO love being imaginary people. The only thing with being an imaginary person is that it takes me a LONG time to wind down after returning to my real self, and now I can't sleep.

Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired.

It's working.

Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired.

I also tried eating graham crackers (they're actually graham cracker sticks) dipped in peanut butter. That may be helping. I hope we don't find out one day that crackers lead to some kind of incurable disease, because I'd be doomed. DOOMED. It used to be Wheat Thins and Triscuits. But after, oh maybe 8 years of those two kinds of crackers being staples in my diet, I've moved on to Kashi 7-grain. They're delicious! And now I'm into these Back to Nature Cinnamon Graham Sticks. Back to Nature also makes a very good cheese cracker. Much like the Cheese Nips or Cheezits or whatever except they're less fat. And all natural. This is just out of control, this cracker business.

Ya know what I think it is? I used to be a cereal connoisseur. Cereal was my go-to snack. But nowadays, cereal is ridiculously expensive, and if I snacked on cereal, I'd eat myself into financial instability. That must be what started this whole economic downfall in the United States. It's the cereal! Nobody could afford their mortgage payments because they ate too much cereal! Well, I am way too responsible for that nonsense and have cut my snacking expenses in half by substituting crackers for cereal. I should write a book on solving the financial crisis. It would be titled: Eat Less Cereal!

Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired.

I've got double shows tomorrow. Matinee and Evening. It's 5:04 AM. This is not good.

Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired. Not tired.

But getting sleepy....

Nanny Diaries

The 7-year-old and I have just finished two games of War (the card game.) The 7-year-old lies back, very still, and stares at the ceiling.

ME: Whatcha thinkin' Lincoln?...Huh?

7-YEAR-OLD: (Sigh)...I'm in love with someone!

ME: (laughing, can't help it) You ARE?!?! Who?!?!

7-YEAR-OLD: I'm in love with Eleanor! She kissed me on the LIPS!! I'm going to marry her.

ME: When did she kiss you on the lips?

7-YEAR-OLD: And we even went to dinner and there was a two-seater and we sat at the table by ourselves and it was like we were dating!

ME: Woah!

7-YEAR-OLD: Yes! And we even shared our drink and our food!!!

ME: Wow, that really is like a date!

7-YEAR-OLD: Well, just our food. We had our own drinks. And I got down on my knees and begged and begged her to marry me. I said, (he gets on his knees and puts his hands together in prayer fashion) "Please! Please! Please! MAAAAARRY MEEEEE!"

ME: Did she say yes?

7-YEAR-OLD: Uh-huh!

ME: Did Eleanor kiss you on the lips BEFORE or AFTER you asked her to marry you?

7-YEAR-OLD: (thinking) .....Before. But I think I'll have to kiss her again at the wedding. Won't I?

ME: Yes, you will.

7-YEAR-OLD: Will I HAVE to?

ME: Yes, you have to kiss her at the wedding.

7-YEAR-OLD: Why? Because that's what makes us married, right?

ME: Well...no. Because it's tradition. Yes you will have to kiss Eleanor at your wedding.

7-YEAR-OLD: (He smiles and flops on the floor and buries his face into the rug.) Oh just thinking about it makes me sweat!

Riddle Me This

A few weeks ago at rehearsal during dinner break, discussing the wonderful-ness of dessert:

ME: My friend owns her own cookie company. She's a baker. And she makes the most AMAZING cookies. I'm serious. Her cookies are the Tom and Jerry's of cookies. Mmmmmm. (I continue eating my dinner, happily remembering my friend's cookies. My actor friends are silent.)

Finally...

ACTOR FRIEND 1: (Confused) Tom and Jerry's. What's Tom and Jerry's?

ACTOR FRIEND 2: (Confused) Tom and Jerry's is that cartoon with the cat and the mouse.

ACTOR FRIEND 1: Did you mean BEN and Jerry's?

Laugh laugh laugh. Ha ha ha.

ME: Yeah. Ben and Jerry's.

Laugh laugh laugh. Ha ha ha.

ME: Story of my life.

***********************************

Between shows this weekend, discussing sausage. (Have no idea how and why we were discussing sausage.)

ACTOR FRIEND: I'm not really a sausage link person. I'm more of a patty person.

ME: Yeah. Just give me the James Dean. That's all I want.

ACTOR FRIEND: ......

ME: .....

ME: Jimmy Dean. Jimmy Dean. Dangit!

Nanny Diaries

Ring! Ring!

7-YEAR-OLD: I'LL GET IT!!! I'll GET IT!!!!!

ME: Say B----- residence.

7-YEAR-OLD: (Picks up phone) B---- residence speaking.

Up and Running!

Oliver officially opened this past Saturday at the Engeman Theater in Northport, NY.

If you're around and would like to see the show, just click on the Engeman link above for tickets.

All is well! The show's going great. Here's a few pics. Hopefully more to come.

Our set.

The boys.

"I'd Do Anything" That's me back there standing with Oliver and Fagin



Me as Bet

Me as a "Buyer"

Opening Night Extravaganza:

Me and Michelle DeJean (Nancy)

Me and the boys, Troy (Dodger), Larry (Charlie), and Jake.

Me and Neal Benari (Fagin)

Me and Steph (Charlotte) and Rob Gallagher (Bill Sykes)

Me and Oliver!